The last time I wrote on this blog was nearly a year ago, in April, 2012. So many things have changed or happened in my life since then. I have gained friends, a relationship, and so much more. I feel like I have lost a lot of things too. I've had to grow up pretty fast in this last year. I didn't get to go to college, and my mom got pretty sick. My life is not going at all the way I had planned it to. In April of last year I was crying because I didn't want to leave my best friends, my family, and my home to go 2,000 miles away to Vanderwagen, New Mexico. I was honestly scared to death. I was scared about going to Minnesota for Bible college as well. It turns out, I didn't have to worry about some of those things because I didn't qualify for financial aid, and therefore, I couldn't go to school. That was heartbreaking for me because I have wanted to go to this college since I was 12 years old, and I have felt God's tugging for me to go there for just as long. The things that happened this past year weren't all bad though.. I learned a lot of things:
1. I had a broken heart. And no, it wasn't from a boy. It was from things and my past and things I felt that I didn't have. I have come to learn that even though I had, and still sometimes have, a broken heart.. that's when God can use me the most. He will always be holding onto me. He'll never let me go. He'll use those broken pieces to make something beautiful.
2. After Broken Arrow, life will never be the same. Half of my heart will forever be in New Mexico at that Bible Ranch, and there's just about nothing I can do about it. I actually learned that my first day there.. the minute I set foot in the chapel and sat down on that floor. I knew that the place, the people, and the campers would gradually become a part of me. A part that I would never want to let go. And I can't wait to go back! I'm honestly so excited to see what this summer has in store for me, and I'm thrilled that following God's guidance has sent me back to the place that I hold so dear to my heart.
Those are probably the two most important things I have learned over the past months since April. Tonight I was reminded that I just need to be still and know that God is God. He's never left my side, and He's never going to. We were having a prayer meeting before youth, like we always do.. and Pastor Jane asked us to go by ourselves and talk with God before we came together as a group. I was sitting in a corner of the room asking God where He is and why I can't feel Him lately.. Next thing I know I hear the simple whisper that God uses to speak to me, saying, "that is when I carried you."
Sometimes I get so lost in my own little world that I don't even remember what Jesus went through for me. He was brutally beaten and DIED for me.. the least I can do is give my life to serve Him. It's not easy to be a Christian, but it is SO worth it. I would give anything for the cause of Christ. I would give up my relationship, my dreams, my friends, my life.. It wouldn't be easy, but I would have to do it. Because when God gives an order, we are called to listen. We are called to live a VERY different life. We are not called to live in our own little worlds, living our simple little lives. No. We are called to be radically, passionately, madly, in love with Christ. That's how I want to live. Honestly, Mama Lou once said, "in a million years.. is what you're doing right now going to save a life or not? Then why are you doing it?"
God's name is so POWERFUL. I mean, think about it. He created EVERYTHING. I just want to show the whole world the power of God's name. That's where I'm at right now.. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, working a pointless job, doing nothing worthwhile for God. That's when I have to remember that HE has a plan for my life because HE created me. That's what I'm going to do from now on. Keep that in mind.
PositiveThinking.
Love always,
Stephanie <3
